What's Behind Successful Marriages?

As I sipped my Starbucks and browsed the “Marriage” section at Barnes and Noble, a large, glossy, coffee-table book caught my eye. It was titled The Greatest Weddings of All Time. It featured media stars like Prince Charles and Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio, and Ted Turner and Jane Fonda.  As I thumbed through the book, I thought how sad it was that most of these marriages didn’t last very long. That’s probably why the book celebrates great weddings instead of great, successful marriages.

Many of these couples had no idea about how to keep a marriage together. How tragic this is — not only for the couples involved, and their children but also because many of our young people today idolize those they watch on television or in films. And they’re imitating what they see -one reason the divorce rate even among Christians is so high.

What are we in the Church doing about this? I’m afraid, not nearly enough. Far too many churches have allowed their role to deteriorate to being little more than what one marriage expert called “wedding factories.” Many churches help couples prepare for elaborate wedding ceremonies but not for lasting, successful marriages. The Church needs to boldly proclaim the biblical teaching on marriage and offer practical, ongoing help to engaged couples, newlyweds, to couples in struggling marriages, and proactive biblical help for marriages at all stages.

It’s not as though the church doesn’t have answers or resources. There are several excellent resources available to help churches build strong marriages and families. For engaged couples, we use a tool called PREPARE. A couple fills out a questionnaire that provides an objective snapshot of their relationship’s growth areas and strengths. “Keeping Love Alive” is the one-day marriage workshop we hold in churches to help couples at any stage of marriage proactively strengthen their marriages. For couples in crisis, we have an effective program called “A New Beginning,” which includes a 4-week follow-up. In a survey of couples who attended A New Beginning, 86% of the participants reported their marital satisfaction had improved significantly, and they had recommitted to their marriage.