How to Survive Infidelity and Restore Your Marriage

Infidelity is devastating. You feel your whole world has been turned upside down. It’s is the most distressful experience that can happen in a marriage. At the knowledge of it, you find yourself deeply, deeply hurt, betrayed, and eventually very angry. You feel all alone and if you’re like most spouses who’ve been cheated on you wonder how you’re going to survive, and if there’s any hope.

Although, when infidelity strikes a marriage, it may not seem that surviving the crisis is even a remote possibility, but I want to encourage you that it truly is  possible to survive an affair but it’s possible to experience healing, restoration and trust. I know, because for over twenty five  years, I’ve worked with hundreds of couples, and helped them navigate their way through this this tumultuous event.

I think one of the most difficult things about recovery is that there are so many seemingly logical actions to take, but many of seemingly sensible actions and behaviors can make the situation even worse. There are however certain Counter-intuitive actions and steps that can you move forward.  Friends can be there for you and help to be there for you as you deal with he initial shock and grief, but having a professional spiritual is very important so that friends do not mistakenly absolutely derail the recovery process by giving you inappropriate, which can actually make the process much worse. It’s crucial to take the steps that are proven to work and to avoid those that can make things worse.  Importantly there are important ways to first start taking care of yourself in dealing with the emotional pain, and the the relationship with your spouse. It is extremely important that you interview several Christian counselors who can provide wisdom and spiritual guidance as well.  You must have a counselor who you can relate to, one who truly cares and who has extensive experience and can actually know what works and what doesn’t. I can personally testify there is a way to restore a marriage after an affair, even when one or both partners think that they are at a  point of no return. Truly, there is hope and help.

For the Spouse Committing the Infidelity 

Unfortunately, infidelity seems to have become one of the primary marital issues of our day.  It can occur in marriages for a wide range of reasons. Some of these include lack of communication, sexual temptation, boredom, jealousy, loneliness and general discontent. By engaging with another person outside your marriage, whether it be physical or emotional, you are putting your family at risk of severe emotional, mental and physical anguish. As caring, Christian marriage counselors, we seek to provide compassionate help to couples with whatever the struggles they are dealing with, 

Engaging in adultery is not only harmful to your marriage, severely damaging to the spouse who was cheated on.  It is also self-destructive and if there are children, they are at risk of a devastating future. But fortunately surviving infidelity and restoring a marriage is possible, with God’s help and caring, experienced Christian counselors. In fact, not only can your marriage survive your affair, but if you are humble, repentant and handle the recovery process properly, your marriage can become even stronger than it was before the crisis.  “Nothing is impossible with God,” (Luke 1:37).

For the Spouse Suffering the Betrayal

If your spouse has had an affair, either physical or emotional, you may fist find yourself experiencing a sense of denial. You may then experience feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration, and despair. At some point you may also experience various stages of grief, despair, helplessness, fear, anxiety and hopelessness. Remember, prolonged depression and stress can often lead to physical illness.

You may feel the infidelity is your fault and blame yourself. This is rarely ever the case and it is important that you not jump to such unproven conclusions. Sometimes a spouse who has committed adultery will say it happened because you were not meeting their needs.  As a result, he or she looked to someone else. But regardless what a cheating spouse says the reason is, it is they who made the decision to engage in the affair. Regardless of what your spouse attributes the affair to, it is very possible he or she will come to understand and take responsibility for what happened and why.

Perhaps you recently discovered your spouse is or has been having an affair. Maybe you’ve suspected it for quite some time.  You may have been looking through some of your spouse’s belongings and found information revealing the affair.  If your  spouse and you are both willing to be open and honest about your feelings and actions, and willing to seek professional Professional Christian help, then we begin working with you to restore your marriage.

The Path to Restoring Your Marriage

We have been successfully helping couples like you since 2003. While it is possible to restore a marriage and relationship after an affair, the restoration process requires time, willingness and a lot of work. Serious consideration must be given to these factors:

  • Is the spouse who committed adultery willing to completely and immediately end the adulterous relationship?
  • Are you both willing to participate in a Christian marriage restoration program to help you communicate, work through underlying issues and repair damaged emotions?
  • Is the cheating partner willing to accept full responsibility for those actions?
  • Are both of you willing to put in the intensive effort needed to repair the hurt and move forward?

It is God’s will for you to remain committed exclusively to each other for life. When sin separates you from that commitment, remember no sin is ever bigger than God’s grace. Confess and ask His forgiveness by faith (1 John 1:9). Participate in a Christian Couples Counseling Intensive program specifically addressing the issues related to infidelity.  The program will guide and engage you in dialogue to help each of you heal from your emotions.  And most importantly, the program will also show you the pathway to surviving infidelity and restoring your marriage.

For additional information or assistance please feel free to contact one of our Professional Counselors or Coaches at (281) 304-1500 and request your FREE 30-minute consultation.